Outsiders is a safe community of people across the UK with a few members abroad. We share a wide range of physical and social disabilities.Many are looking to change their lives around, make new friends, enjoy life to the full and find partners. Club membership costs £27.50 per year, or £14.00 if you’ re not working. Members contact each other directly by phone, text, OutsidersChat, email and snailmail. We offer a free forwarding service. Members can meet in person at our events once friendships have been established, or just come along anyway to meet new people. Many wonderful friendships and relationships have been formed.
Since its formation in 1979, Outsiders has become much more than a membership club. It’ s evolved to be a peer support network, and an international authority on disability, sex and relationships. We run the Sex and Disability Helpline and SHADA, the Sexual Health and Disability Alliance. We operate on many levels and members can join in wherever they choose.
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The Outsiders Club is many things to its very different members — from acting as a source of fun and way to meet new friends, to a place where people are supported on a journey of self-acceptance. It’ s like a family for many of its members, and a stepping stone to others. For many, we hear, we simply provide an inspiration that love and intimacy are possible for even severely and multiple disabled people, even when they are gay, lesbian or trans. All these things make us totally unique, and our volunteers are very devoted and proud of our work.
We aim to run Outsiders like any other private club, providing confidentiality, a good service and respect. Our 2009 survey found that 100% of our members felt less isolated since they joined the club; all had made new friends and felt more confident. None of those called had found a partner yet, but then, quite often members resign once they have formed a relationship.
We offer members opportunities to find what they seek. From experience, it is those who put most into Outsiders that get most out of it. The more activities people get involved in, the more likely they are to form close relationships and enjoy life to the full.
Outsiders has always attracted a wonderful range of people, mostly people who are open and adventurous but also those who are very private and shy. Most are in their 30s and 40s but some join younger, and some are in their 80s. Like in any other club, members do not always answer letters or return calls but most are simply delighted to belong to a club where they are accepted; venturing into a relationship takes time, courage and self-acceptance, especially when you have a disability.
We are proud that our members are honest about themselves (even their age!) and self-accepting. Many have had unhappy experiences of online dating: advertisers not turning out to be what they seem in their adverts, often failing to turn up because they are really quite frightened, and thus seeming disrespectful. Outsiders members have been carefully screened and are soon booted out if they behave disrespectfully. All have signed that they agree to the rules of Outsiders which clearly describes the the level of behaviour required. This is not moralistic, as members can enjoy any mutuallly consensual activity, but respectful, insisting that members cannot be abusive or exploitative.
We welcome anyone over 16 years of age who is able to understand the concept of Outsiders and run their own affairs, and they need to support our ethos. We ask that members fill in our application form themselves and offer help if they cannot read print. We also welcome members who support our ethos and have valuable skills or expertise to contribute.
When somebody applies who we feel ill-equipped to cope with, e.g. people who cannot manage their own affairs because of learning disability, mental health problems or brain damage, they are signposted on to more suitable clubs.
All members’ application forms are examined by experienced volunteers to ensure that they have not been asked to leave in the past, and are not lookist, sexist or racist, or only concerned with their own needs or instant gratification.
Associate Membership costs £25.00 a year, and is for people who are interested in our work and want to stay in touch. They receive copies of INSIDE in the post and can attend our events.
Most of our volunteers are Outsiders members who have gained experience, found happiness and want to help others. Together, they have a wide range of experience of disability.
We require members to have been in the Club for six months before volunteering. Bringing in volunteers from elsewhere has proved less successful unless they have personal experience of the stigma of disability.
Being disabled sometimes means being unable to work because of fatigue, pain, hospital appointments, transport problems and just feeling low. Outsiders Volunteering Policy makes allowances for this by providing flexibility.
Dr Tuppy Owens started running Outsiders from her flat in Mayfair in 1979 and continues to coordinate it from her croft in the Highlands. She has an Honorary Doctorate for Good Works, a diploma in Human Sexuality from London University. She is Hons BSc in Zoology from Exeter. She has led quite a colourful life and is devoted to Outsiders and its future.
The office is run by a tiny team of people who have been working together for a long time:-
Janet Brookman — Janet keeps the office shipshape and looks after the blind members who need their material on tape.
Eleni Stephani — Eleni is the hub of Outsiders, our Social Secretary and helpline operator. She won Islington Volunteer of the Year in 2009.
Philippe Gasguy — Philippe began as office boy and now runs the database and membership process. He says helping other people is what he enjoys most.
Tuppy Owens oversees the working of the office and keeps the rest up to speed on developments with regards new projects and funding.
London Lunches are run by a rota of volunteers coordinated by Sue Nathan and including Dawn Powell, Victoria McKenzie, Tuppy Owens and some of the Trustees.
East Anglia Lunches are run by Maz Perry, a dashing lesbian of Small stature with Scoliosis and severe breathing difficulties, who has been an active member of Outsiders for many years. Maz attracts members from London and further afield, as well as people other groups such as Gemma and the Scoliosis Association (UK) (SAUK).
Midlands Lunches run by Steve Major, a wheelchair user who works for Time2Talk Daventry as a counsellor and outreach worker. Steve also organized a holiday for Outsiders members at the New Mayfair Hotel in Blackpool in September 2009.
West Country Events are run by Sarah Battan, who has Cerebral Palsy and a speech impairment. The programme is decided by the local members and reminders are sent monthly.
North of England Lunches and Events run by Lilian McCarthy who has been blind from birth, works for Jobcentreplus within the Department for Work and Pensions. She is helped by Chris Green.
SHADA Meetings are chaired by Helena Barrow.
Secretary: Katie Wiltshier;
Convenor: Tuppy Owens;
Coordinator: Els Payne.
Group for people with Neurodiversities Rea Danielle who runs small gatherings with therapy in North London.
Pleasure Islands in the Disability Field at Glastonbury run by Katie Sarra, Art Therapist and Actress.
The Fundraising Events Team Over 150 volunteers help to raise funds for Outsiders through the Leydig Trust, staging several events a year.
Reading out for blind members Peter
Birthday cards Savio
Website Ian Hudson
Computers Lawrence Brightman
Trustees meet four times a year as well as for the AGM which is held at an Outsiders London Lunch. Trustees meetings are usually attended by one of the disabled members of the Outsiders Advisory Board. All trustees have been trained in governance and good practice.
Chair: Gregory Sams — Greg is a high profile wheelchair user, pioneer in natural foods, a fractal artist, social thinker and author. Our trustees meetings are held in his accessible house in West London. Greg also acts as an advocate with the TLC Trust.
Secretary: Mickey Griffin — Mickey was brought up with a disabled brother and he has helped his sister start a charity in Jamaica. He runs his own company and is happy to put time and effort into supporting Outsiders.
Treasurer: Martin Craven FRSA, ISMC, IOD, LFC — Martin is a company manager and consultant who came to us with 11 years experience of charity work. He makes himself available to support Outsiders on many practical levels including running stalls for outreach and fundraising.
Vieta Shroff — Vieta helped Tuppy Owens set up Outsiders in the late 1970s and has now returned, after a life of helping people with their sexual problems, to offer her wisdom and inspiration.
Sue Nathan — Sue offered her services to the Outsiders Club in the late 1990s and became its Membership Secretary. She still coordinates the Outsiders London Lunches and provides an invauable source of knowledge on the Board.
Richard Sheppard — Dick came to us as Door Manager at our fundraisers and has great organizational skills and contacts. He has been following the progress of Outsiders for some years now, and is keen t contribute where he can.
Jonathan Werren — Jonathan works in and around public affairs, central and local government organizations and supports a charity for widows in troubled areas of the world.
Lionel Roth — Lionel is a communications and presentation consultant. He is married to one of our trainers, Alex, who has MS, so his experience of disability is very personal. His talents are presenting material in the most effective way, and problem solving.
Jeff Dexter — Jeff was intensely involved in the whole evolution of popular culture in the 1960s: he put on shows at the Round House, worked with John Peel, and managed numerous rock bands. However, Jeff is still a very thoughtful, kind and capable human being.
Victoria McKenzie — Victoria was trained in the subject or sex and disability in her work in New York. Back home, Victoria ran the workshops at the Outsiders London Lunches until she became ill with ME. The experience of this illness confirmed to her how very important Outsiders is.
Jaspre Bark — novelist, children’s author and comics writer. In 1999 Jaspre was awarded a Fringe First at the Edinburgh International Festival.
Dr Belinda Brooks-Gordon — Reader in Psychology and Social Policy at Birkbeck College, London, recently diagnosed with chronic inflammatory disability Lupus erythematosus.
Caroline Bowditch — beautiful, brittle-boned dancer with the Scottish Dance Theatre, teacher and high profile speaker on disability and personal issues.
Dr Petra Boynton — lecturer in International Health Services Research, Petra lectures on evidence based healthcare and has received a large number of prizes and awards.
Laurence Clark — prize-winning comedian and stand-up comic with Cerebral Palsy whose work centres around disability. His latest show is Spastic Fantastic. Laurence writes a regular column for the BBC Ouch! Website.
Sue Dawson — an actress who starred as a disabled person in East Enders and The Really Wild Show on BBC1.
Jane Gibbin —�Jane was the online agony aunt for Youreable and ran a psychosexual counselling service for people with disability and their partners.
Mat Fraser — famous Thalidomide martial artist, drummer, actor, co-presenter of Ouch!, disability activist, MC and cabaret artist.
Barry Humphries AO, CBE — Australian Commedian satirist, dadaist, landscape painter, artist and character actor perhaps best known for his alter ego Dame Edna Everage.
Phillip Hodson — broadcaster and author who popularized phone-in therapy in his role as Britain’s first agony uncle.
Alison Lapper MBE — British artist born without arms and shortened legs. She leapt into fame when a sculpture of her pregnant body was mounted in a plinth in Trafalgar Square.
Malcolm Pearce — company director and devoted follower of Outsiders fundraisers, who generously donates a thousand pounds a year, in the hope that others will do likewise.
Susan Quilliam — author of the “New Joy of Sex” and of many other publications, “Body Language Secrets: Making Love Work” being Outsiders Library Book No 500, well-reviewed in INSIDE No 45.
Mik Scarlet — famous disabled musician, TV presenter, radio host, actor and newspaper columnist. Mik carries out access audits and assists companies ensure they are DDA compliant.
Dr Annie Sprinkle — sexual evolutionary, artist and freestyle pioneer, currently living in San Francisco and touring the world with her Love Art Lab. Annie has enjoyed many disabled friends and clients.
We have a small office in an accessible office block in Islington. Our office volunteers love working together in this safe environment. Because most are disabled, they come in when they can, and share the load. They deal with the membership process, renewals and correspondence and phone calls from members and the public. They provide a free forwarding service for members who don’t wish to have their full address printed in the Membership List.
New members are sent a copy of Practical Suggestions, the membership list and the latest INSIDE. Once this has arrived, they receive a phone call to see that they are happy and things are working out for them. All members receive a birthday card on their birthday.
Office volunteers compile the membership list and get it printed and put onto tape for blind members. One of our trainee Trustees and a new blind volunteer are starting a process of phoning all members to ensure our service is meeting their needs.
Birthday cards sent out to all members by our blind member, Peter Gooch, with the help of his PA.
Volunteers sign our Confidentiality Form to say that they will not disclose details of our members to anyone else. Volunteers meet up once every two months, sometimes with Trustees, to discuss progress.
The Club helpline is run by Eleni from home from 2 — 7pm weekdays. She records each call and the subject matter.
Apart from the regular lonely members who call her for a chat, Eleni says the volume of calls varies enormously, depending on whether there is a member in crisis or not.
Mostly, she receives two calls per day from members seeking information and advice.
It is essential for us that we never become like many charities, like a call centre, and that one volunteer has a grip on the dynamics of the club, and can offer a personal service when members call. Nobody has ever complained about this service, even though they may need to wait a few days for Eleni to return the call if she is away staying her her boyfriend. Eleni is the hub of Outsiders and yet she knows she can pass the work over to Janet if she is not feeling up to it.
INSIDE is an attractive A5 black & white publication sent to all members and associate members. Blind members receive copies on tape, or by email. The magazine is also put up on this website in various formats.
The purpose of INSIDE is to provide members and associate members with an update on what is going on within the club, and give members a chance to express their views. Each issue usually features a disabled artist who struggles/d with socialising and/or finding love. The magazine includes updates to the Practical Suggestions book, lists of forthcoming events, a problem page, Aspie Corner for people with neurodiversities, the Mandi Peers’ Clubbing Column, success stories, book reviews, interviews and news. Everything in INSIDE focuses on things which will help members enjoy life in a personal sense.
Many of our members do not have computers, so cannot see it online and all members seem to enjoy receiving the magazine through the post.
One member told us, “Everytime I feel depressed, I read a copy of INSIDE and that always cheers me up.”
Recently-retired Head of Treloar College, Graham Jowett, when speaking about his college policy on sexuality (on which all other college policies are now based), referred to what he had learned from the “Aunty Tuppy” problem-page columns in INSIDE.
Outsiders workshops are run at the Lunches. We have found that transport is a big problem for many of our members so the less they need to travel, the more likely they are to attend. The workshops break up the lunches neatly and are not compulsory, leaving the non-attendees a chance to chat in peace!
All kinds of workshops have been run. The most frequent is the “Body Image Workshop” where members tell the others what they think is the most appealing thing about themselves, and what is the most off-putting. The rest of the group then tell them how they see things. These workshops are very useful and always conducted with care.
Recently, we decided that many of the men in Outsiders never seemed to find a girlfriend, so we asked the PUI experts to come in and teach them. PIU stands for Pick Up Artist, and experts normally charge a thousand pounds a lesson. We managed to get one of the top boys, Richard La Ruina to come for free and he certainly taught us a thing or two. After that at least one of our long-term male members started a long-term relationship that is still thriving.
Workshops are written in in INSIDE for those who are unable to attend.
SHADA was started by Outsiders in 2005 to bring together telephone helpline operators and professionals who are concerned with the stigma surrounding the sexual happiness of disabled people. There are now over a hundred members who meet in London twice a year to share their experiences and learn.
SHADA ran a conference with the Royal Society of Medicine on 13th November 2009 called Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure. This was a great success and reported in two pages in The Times.
SHADA has produced policy guidelines for GPs, surgeons, therapists, residential homes, colleges disability agencies, and for those wishing to use sex workers in their care plans and work.
The group’s reputation is spreading world-wide and SHADA now has its own website: www.shada.org.uk.
We took over the Sex and Disability helpline after SPOD closed down in 2003. Thankfully they left us with a very well-publicized service. The line is run voluntarily by Dr Tuppy Owens and is free, 11am to 7pm weekdays. Dr Ruth Hallam-Jones takes calls of a medical nature and she is a registered and accredited psychotherapist. All calls are recorded for research purposes.
There are about four calls a day from health professionals and disabled people. Calls usually only last around 7 minutes. Callers seem delighted that they have at last reached somebody who takes their problem seriously. Many call back to provide feed-back and discuss more problem-solving.
Sometimes it is appropriate to pass on the contact details of local counsellors and therapists who specialize in disability.
This helpline is becoming a wonderful source of knowledge which gets passed on from one caller to another. For example, people with spina bifida who have never experienced orgasm say that they can easily orgasm if they try stimulating alternative areas such as the prostate. Spina Bifida is a disability which never attracted much medical research funding, unlike Spinal Injury.�
Very little useful new research has been done on the social or sexual aspects of physical disability. Because our work is involved with this on a daily basis, Outsiders naturally gains an enormous volume of knowledge.
Some of our research is done via the Sex and Disability Helpline. Callers with certain difficulties go away to experiment, and report back to report progress. Quite remarkable discoveries have been unearthed.
In 2009, Outsiders carried out a survey together with the TLC Trust, using the Freedom of Information Act, to find out how Social Services around the country view the importance of disabled people being able to enjoy a personal life, and what freedoms they provide/allow. Results can be seen here.
Some research is done in our workshops, simply listening to members speak about their lives. It was there we discovered that, for example, some disabled men are actively discouraged from starting friendships with women by their health care professionals.
Other research is done using the telephone, asking members questions about their lives. Outcomes are reported in INSIDE.
Outsiders campaigns for the sexual freedom of disabled people. We try to reach health care professionals, including surgeons, therapists, and social workers to persuade them to include issues of sex and relationships in their services and heath care packages. Our biggest success to date has been our conference “Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure” with the Royal Society of Medicine on Friday 13th November 2009.
Outsiders currently runs the Free Speech Campaign for people with speech impairments to be accepted as sexual partners and be better understood.
On Tuesday 26th February 2008 around 50 disabled people lined the south side of Westminster Bridge in London to protest about the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill which aimed to make it illegal to pay for sex or download extreme pornography. They had collected testimonies that sex workers and porn stars work of their free will. Banners were held with slogans such as “Don’t disable my Libido” . That afternoon, the section on pornography was dropped from the Bill.
Filming the demonstration on Westminster Bridge
Outsiders is often asked to help organise training on sex, relationships and disability and we are currently helping the MS Trust with their “Living with MS Information Day” in November 2010.
In June 2010, our coordinator, Dr Tuppy Owens was made a member of the fpa Achievers Club which gives her a chance to approach other campaigners in her field.
Outsiders is attempting to work with groups that support people with Visual Impairment , in order to produce a sex book for blind people. We know this is would fill a huge gap even though it might not be commercial, and our initiative is ongoing.
Our conference at the Royal Society of Medicine in November 2009 put Outsiders in the limelight with some of the major disability charities and highlighted our expertise and professionalism. Dr Tuppy Owens worked with Linda Lewis who ran the helpline at ASBAH to compose the Policy Guidelines distributed at the Conference.
Outsiders works with Spokz, the new website selling sex toys for disabled people. We went to the Venus Fair in Berlin to collect a range of samples to help them expand their range. We are hoping to run an online Forum with them providing peer support.
Outsiders and Shakti Tantra ran a “Inner Nature” day on 7th October 2009 for people with spinal cord injury to learn and discuss their sex lives and offer peer support. Sue Newsome of Shakti Tantra is continuing with this project.
Currently, Outsiders works with a few other small charities such as the Elfrida Society and Extant exchanging information and expertise. We are hoping to work with Katie Piper and her new charity to help newly disfigured people gain confidence.
Outsiders works with small charities such as Danda to support people with neurodiversities. We have an “Aspie” page in INSIDE to help our Aspergers members find other groups and get more help and support.
We exchange links with useful websites, such as www.ableise.com.
Two TV documentaries have been made about Outsiders. The first, “Skin Horse” was screened in 1983 on Channel 4 and received several awards in the USA.
“Disabled and Looking for Love” was screened on BBC3 in February 2006 and its director, Clare Richards won the 2006 Grierson Award for Best Newcomer.
Outsiders is frequently mentioned by the agony aunts and featured in magzines and newspaper articles, the most recent being the two page spread on the conference in The Times and a very positive article about our work Filament magazine.
We are asked to speak about our work at various events:-
Outsiders is funded through several different sources:
Sadly, we never seem to receive legacies from our members. This is thanks to the fact they need to keep Outsiders a secret, as their families disapprove of them trying to enjoy a personal life.
Outsiders banks with Lloyds TSB and NatWest. Our coordinator handles the accounts and presents them to the Trustees before handing them over to our independent auditor.
Last winter, 2009, our coordinator attended a course in social, environmental and economic accounting run by the Social Enterprise Academy. We are just beginning to implement this style of accounting, which is giving volunteers renewed enthusiasm.