It is easier than ever before to find a prostitute, as there are adverts in most newspapers for saunas, massage parlours, escorts, home visits and girls who work in flats. Most cities also have red light zones with street walkers.
If you are disabled, shy or socially nervous, inexperienced or feeling very vulnerable, it is important that you hire a sex worker who is highly professional and good at her job. You are most likely to find him or her through an advert which brings you into direct contact with them, or go through a really good agency. It stands to reason that a sex worker who runs her own life in her own flat or stays on the books of a reliable agency is more likely to deliver a better service than a girl who works in the street. Street girls and boys are usually raising cash for their heroin addiction and are often thieves. Many of them are employed by pimps. Massage parlours and saunas can be seedy but some of them are very good. The parlours of Birmingham are excellent and the saunas in Sheffield and Edinburgh very good indeed. Access is often a problem: many flats are upstairs or downstairs in old buildings with no lifts.
Many disabled people prefer to be visited by a prostitute because they have all their contraptions and gadgets at home and may find that a journey makes them too tired for sex. Sadly, most sex workers charge by the hour, travelling included, so that visiting might make her fee prohibitively high.
Professional prostitutes enjoy working with clients who treat them well, so the first lesson to learn is to be a good customer. This means speaking openly but respectfully, turning up on time with the agreed cash, with some extra for the tip you should give her if you get a good service. Be well scrubbed with clean clothes. Cancel if you have a cold or other infection. Negotiate what you want and don't be shy. They have heard all the requests before and they range from learning how to chat someone up or please them sexually to experimenting with your fantasies, being touched all over, snuggling up and whispering sweet nothings to wild sexy passion. Just ask for all the things you miss in life. You can ask for the session to be intimate, like a real girlfriend/boyfriend situation or else you can ask for distance: a striptease, an S/M ritual or both.
Each prostitute has their own limit: perhaps something that they reserve for their private life. Often this is kissing, or anal sex. Respect their rules.
Don't try and hang around after your time is up and don't pester the sex worker afterwards by phone. Make the most of feeling good by calling up friends to cheer them up.
Any sex worker who refuses to see you because you are disabled or sound timid on the phone is best dismissed. She or he would be useless anyway.
Good sex workers have probably had plenty of experience with disabled clients. If you have special needs which she may not have come across before, if you have a condition which could be life-threatening during sex, if you get autonomic dysreflexia, for example, or if you find it very difficult to spontaneously relate your feelings and needs, perhaps having Asperger Syndrome, you may wish to send her a note about all this, or discuss it on the phone in advance. Some sex workers don't like discussing sex on the phone in case the 'client' turns out to be a policeman.
If you come really quickly, don't worry, you have paid for a certain amount of time, so you can start again and come again.
All professional sex workers will use safer sex. Sex with a professional is likely to be much safer than with a horny groover you meet down the local disco. Never insult a sex worker by trying to bribe them into have intercourse without a condom.
If you visit the SFC website (www.sfc.org.uk) you will find some guidelines on being a good prostitute and a good client. Punternet (www.punternet.com) is a website which reviews sexual services. Another website called EscortWatch (www.escortwatch.org) reviews agencies. Once again, any legal difficulties you experience with regard to sex work should be dealt with professionally. Our recommended solicitor is John Blandford.
Australia has come a long way in the past few years, largely thanks to a group of disabled people called ACCSEX. They meet regularly in Sydney. You can join the group through ACCSEX@yahoogroups.com. Members swap notes and raise awareness on the sexual needs of disabled people, and have successfully improved facilities. They report on training facilities for sex workers on disability and make recommendations.
For example, La Petite Aroma, a registered brothel in the Chatswood suburb of Sydney, which caters for people with disabilities, close to the station and parking available.
If what you really want is a relationship with someone, be very careful that you don't come to rely on professional sex. It's easy to simply pay for what you want without all the responsibilities of negotiating with a lover. On the other hand, some people prefer to live without all the emotional baggage of a relationship, and visit a prostitute whenever they feel the urge. If money is no object, that is a legitimate choice.
Any questions on personal issues like these can be asked on our Sex and Disability Helpline:
Post: Tuppy Owens, BCM Box Lovely, London WC1N 3XX
Email: Email Helpline
Phone: 0707 499 3527 : The Helpline is open weekdays 11am to 7pm
Website: www.outsiders.org.uk