Life is like a capricious mistress: the more you woo her the more she despises you. You have to get up and do something more interesting. Then she'll pelt after you. -- D. H. Lawrence
Outsiders has always been many different things to different people. Some members want to make new friends whereas others want to find a partner. Some want both. Some are inexperienced and don't really know what or who they want, but feel sexually frustrated or unfulfilled. Others are socially phobic and find it almost impossible to mix and need a safe club where they won't feel threatened. Others just want to belong to a club where they won't be rejected or discriminated against because of the way they look. A place where people won't look at you with a sad, pitying gaze and you don't have to be cheerful all the time, can have a good moan, but never need feel grateful. A few people join because they believe in what we stand for, and want to belong to a club where status does not stem from beauty and money, and there is no small talk because people discuss issues which are important to them, perhaps for the first time in their lives.
Whatever people say they seek, we assume that most people want to find love.
We aim to help you transform your life for the better. You might meet someone and fall in love straight away or success might take a long time. It's really up to you to a great extent, depending on how much you are willing to make an effort to meet people, learn, improve your life skills, cheer up and increase your confidence by accepting responsibility.
Some people join and complain 'I feel like an outsider in the Outsiders club', which is pretty sad and something we fight against. These people have to recognise the hard truth that it is they, not their disability or looks, that puts other people off. That is one of the reasons why we have produced this section.
Perhaps your life is sexless, lonely or depressing but there is a possibility that it could become passionate, crammed with friends and full of fun. This cannot happen automatically but may happen if you involve yourself in things, and perhaps change your approach to other people. this section explains ways this can happen.
You will probably have lots of dreams about your future happiness. Be prepared to discover that real life does not always mimic fantasies.
If you find socialising difficult, the best way to improve is by practice, and Outsiders provides unthreatening events just for you. So come along and make the most of them.
Some people start relationships in Outsiders which don't work out, and they get despondent and feel like a failure. This is a terrible mistake. Your affair, however short, was an episode, so treasure the memory of the good bits and learn from the bad. Don't hold grudges and have no regrets. One of the great things about life is every relationship is better than the last. So look forward to the future, use the time you spend on your own to learn more about yourself, and when love comes, make the most of it.
Finding love is very difficult for everybody. More often than not, it only happens when you are not looking. So get on with LIFE. Get on with creating a good space around you, putting your whole being into whatever you do, contributing to life with a good spirit and help us at Outsiders too. Once you're involved, you'll be 'in' and then, hopefully 'in love'.