Sexual Health for People with Disabilities

Sexual health issues for people with disabilities reach far beyond safer sex, sexually transmitted infections and getting pregnant. Here are just a few examples of why:-

People with short arms and no thumbs (thanks to Thalidomide ), no hands (thanks to bombs, etc.), little use of hands (thanks to many types of conditions), and some who are visually impaired, might not be able to navigate the intricate process of getting a condom out of its packet, and rolling it down an erection. Many may not be able to reach down or have the strength or dexterity to masturbate, or clasp a sex toy.
People with Spina Bifida are more likely than other people to be allergic to latex, which limits their choice of condoms and sex toys.
Many female wheelchair users don’t get enough air to their genitals, and so get thrush (a fungal infection which causes white discharge and itching). The remedy is a breathable wheelchair seat.
Many people with disabilities still have little privacy to enjoy the sex life they want to live, thanks to prohibitionist parents, care staff, or funders of their income.
Females who are sexually disabled by the illegal cutting off and sewing up of their genitals (Female Genital Mutilation, FGM) find it painful and slow to urinate, very painful to have periods and excruciating to have sexual intercourse which entails breaking through the stitching and past the scar tissue.
Females who experience vaginismus, upper leg spasticity and FGM may never have been able to have a smear test because they clammed up before the smear could be taken. They all may well find intercourse painful.
Females with spinal cord injury may not be able to feel when their vaginas are dry, so that intercourse may cause abrasions and bleeding. Males with Spinal Injury experience a range of sexual variations, from being able to get stiff but not feel it, being able to feel but not get stiff and perhaps not being able to orgasm from genital stimulation.
Men with Spina Bifida may also not be able to orgasm from stimulation of the penis but can reach orgasm from stimulating other parts, e.g. the prostate gland.
Men with Spinal Injury may be able to experience orgasm with the use of a Ferticare vibrator, which also gives them a good feeling and lessens spasms.
Blind people cannot see the expression on the face of their partner during sex, so will not know if they are in pain, unless they are told.
Some people whose families traditionally arrange marriages with first cousins realise that their disability is due to inbreeding, yet are still fixed up with marriage to a cousin, which may lead to even more severely disabled offspring.
Other disabled people have to make hard choices about whether to have children when their disability is hereditary.

Sexual health is also about feeling safe around sex. Many disabled people have been raped or abused when young, and need psychological help to overcome the anxieties and low self esteem which abuse brings with it.

Predators and abusers go for vulnerable people, so you must build up your confidence so that you no longer feel or look vulnerable. Until that happens, don’t go out alone, and don’t use disabled dating sites unless you are extremely careful. Surround yourself with supportive friends and neighbours.

Sexual health is about other kinds of safety. Two people with mobility impairment having sex together can sometimes be putting themselves in danger because they can fall off the bed and not be able to get up. They may, in their enthusiasm pull catheters or other support mechanisms out. A man engaged in Cunnilingus (pussy sucking) with a woman who experiences spasms, could suffocate. Quadriplegics might experience Autonomic Dysreflexia , which is life-threatening unless activities halt. Awareness, taking precautions, and emergency plans are essential if the couple are alone. If in a residential home or college, staff need to be trained. For some couples with severe mobility impairments, having a friend who will act as a “bedroom companion” or hiring a professional sex worker to assist, is advisable and also opens new opportunities.

Having said all this, there is much good news. There are loads of ways to enjoy sex whatever our past experiences and impairments.

“The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability” is a testament to that, a great book.

The Sex and Disability Helpline is free to callers and open 11am to 7pm weekdays, run by Outsiders.

British Sexual Health clinics are free, wonderfully supportive, confidential (your GP is not informed). The staff have “seen it all”, and listen respectfully. Disabled visitors are welcomed and you can discuss any problem you want. They operate on a “just turn up” basis or need you to book an appointment. Check first. Most are wheelchair accessible. What they sometimes lack is a hoist to help the disabled person onto the examination table, but suitable arrangements can usually be made. Tests are quick and painless. If you are found to have an infection, you’ll be encouraged to tell your partner/s but, if you cannot face it, they will do so anonymously on your behalf to persuade them to come in for treatment. To find your local clinic, see http://www.bashh.org/ or www.fpa.org.uk/findaclinic