V-Group
Disabled women discussing their personal, sexual and intimate lives
Founder Members
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Eleni,
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Eirwen,
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Eileen,
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Helen,
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Mandi and
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Tuppy.
The V-Group is a self-led group of disabled women around the
UK who discuss their
sexual relationships, body image, impairment, pain, sexual
communication, acceptance and knowledge. We hold gatherings,
currently in central London, and communicate via phone, letter, email
and message board. Our gatherings include lunch, workshops, and sometimes
expert speakers.
I really enjoyed the most recent V-Group meeting and left realising
the v-group has been the first opportunity I've had to discuss issues
of sex and relationships with respect to impairment with other women
with impairment/disabled women (I've talked with friends and partners
without impairment). I hadn't realised it was something I had been
missing until now. -- Eirwen
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Why?
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Most research on sex and disability has concentrated on men's
problems and there is very little information of use in the literature.
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When disabled clients see health professionals, the subject
of sex is rarely brought up, and is not always welcome when brought
up by disabled clients.
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Disabled people who seek help are usually directed to the
Sexand Disability Helpline
which is run by Outsiders.
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Several women who have called the
Sexand Disability Helpline
expressed a wish to belong to such a group.
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Disabled women often find it embarrassing discussing their sexual
problems with their friends.
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It is sometimes a long process to admit to, or identify some of our
sexual problems, and belonging to the V-Group is an on-going process.
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The women who attend have much to offer each other in expertise
and knowledge, neither of which may exist elsewhere.
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The women may be stuck and nervous to move forward or go to
a clinic to get problems sorted, and we give each other encouragement.
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Where
Most gatherings are held in Eleni's flat in Seven Sisters, but we
are happy to hold the meetings in other women's homes, wherever they are.
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When
We meet on the Sunday or Monday following the
Outsiders London Lunch,
which is always on the second Saturday of each month. We
currently meet every other month, i.e. January, March, May, July,
September and November.
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How to Join
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Topics Covered in Discussions
Any topic can be discussed but here are some of the topics we have
chatted about so far (we are producing hand-outs on these topics):-
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I can't open my legs.
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I have MS
and can't reach orgasm.
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I dislike my vagina.
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I have pain during intercourse.
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I'm in pain all the time.
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I can't find a position that works.
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I have spasms in my legs during sex.
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My partner is afraid of hurting me.
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People invade my space when I am out in my wheelchair.
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I have little bladder control.
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I use a catheter and don't feel good about my vulva.
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I am paralysed from the chest down and cannot feel my genitals.
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Orgasm can be difficult for me and my lovers tend to try too hard.
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I experience cramp in my thighs.
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I have a lack of sensation on one side.
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Homophobic responses to my bisexuality.
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Sexual advice given in hospital is far too clinical.
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Having a disability makes me feel insecure with my boyfriends.
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I dress to please my parents and they inhibit me.
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Plans
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Run our own message board.
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Visit a Naturist Resort - the women thought this would be a
useful exercise to increase their self image.
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Contribute to Disability Rights.
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Invite experts to speak to us and contribute to the group.
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Confidentiality
All discussions within the V-Group are confidential and members
of the discussion agree on this before each meeting starts.
The V-Group secretary writes up everything that has been discussed
in each meeting, so that people who can't attend, or can't always
hear what is said, can read the discussions.
From discussions at our meeting, we identify problem headings,
and then document the subsequent problem solving, without using
any names. These write-ups are circulated to the people who took
part to make sure they are happy with the wording, and their anonymity,
before they go up on the website as Hand-outs. Conclusions may be
updated at a later date, from contributions to the Message Board.
They may also be used for papers, talks and articles.
People who come along to meetings or contribute to the message
board can use initials, nick names or their real names during discussions.
They can rest assured that their names will never be published unless
previously agreed.
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Places to seek help (free)
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Sexand Disability Helpline:
Tel: 0707 499 3527.
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Local sexual health clinics (list can be found on
www.fpa.org.uk).
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Well-woman clinics (ring your GP
for local information).
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Your local GP Surgery.
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Sexual Health Direct:
Tel: 0845 310 1334.
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More Information
For more information
email the V-Group.
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