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V-Group

Disabled women discussing their personal, sexual and intimate lives

Founder Members

  • Eleni,
  • Eirwen,
  • Eileen,
  • Helen,
  • Mandi and
  • Tuppy.

The V-Group is a self-led group of disabled women around the UK who discuss their sexual relationships, body image, impairment, pain, sexual communication, acceptance and knowledge. We hold gatherings, currently in central London, and communicate via phone, letter, email and message board. Our gatherings include lunch, workshops, and sometimes expert speakers.

I really enjoyed the most recent V-Group meeting and left realising the v-group has been the first opportunity I've had to discuss issues of sex and relationships with respect to impairment with other women with impairment/disabled women (I've talked with friends and partners without impairment). I hadn't realised it was something I had been missing until now. -- Eirwen

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Why?

  • Most research on sex and disability has concentrated on men's problems and there is very little information of use in the literature.
  • When disabled clients see health professionals, the subject of sex is rarely brought up, and is not always welcome when brought up by disabled clients.
  • Disabled people who seek help are usually directed to the Sexand Disability Helpline which is run by Outsiders.
  • Several women who have called the Sexand Disability Helpline expressed a wish to belong to such a group.
  • Disabled women often find it embarrassing discussing their sexual problems with their friends.
  • It is sometimes a long process to admit to, or identify some of our sexual problems, and belonging to the V-Group is an on-going process.
  • The women who attend have much to offer each other in expertise and knowledge, neither of which may exist elsewhere.
  • The women may be stuck and nervous to move forward or go to a clinic to get problems sorted, and we give each other encouragement.

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Where

Most gatherings are held in Eleni's flat in Seven Sisters, but we are happy to hold the meetings in other women's homes, wherever they are.

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When

We meet on the Sunday or Monday following the Outsiders London Lunch, which is always on the second Saturday of each month. We currently meet every other month, i.e. January, March, May, July, September and November.

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How to Join

  • Email Tuppy Here.
  • Letters can be sent to us via Outsiders at:
    BCM Box Outsiders
    , London.
    WC1N 3XX.
    Tel: 0707 499 3527 or 0871 424 9935

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Topics Covered in Discussions

Any topic can be discussed but here are some of the topics we have chatted about so far (we are producing hand-outs on these topics):-

  • I can't open my legs.
  • I have MS and can't reach orgasm.
  • I dislike my vagina.
  • I have pain during intercourse.
  • I'm in pain all the time.
  • I can't find a position that works.
  • I have spasms in my legs during sex.
  • My partner is afraid of hurting me.
  • People invade my space when I am out in my wheelchair.
  • I have little bladder control.
  • I use a catheter and don't feel good about my vulva.
  • I am paralysed from the chest down and cannot feel my genitals.
  • Orgasm can be difficult for me and my lovers tend to try too hard.
  • I experience cramp in my thighs.
  • I have a lack of sensation on one side.
  • Homophobic responses to my bisexuality.
  • Sexual advice given in hospital is far too clinical.
  • Having a disability makes me feel insecure with my boyfriends.
  • I dress to please my parents and they inhibit me.

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Plans

  • Run our own message board.
  • Visit a Naturist Resort - the women thought this would be a useful exercise to increase their self image.
  • Contribute to Disability Rights.
  • Invite experts to speak to us and contribute to the group.

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Confidentiality

All discussions within the V-Group are confidential and members of the discussion agree on this before each meeting starts.

The V-Group secretary writes up everything that has been discussed in each meeting, so that people who can't attend, or can't always hear what is said, can read the discussions.

From discussions at our meeting, we identify problem headings, and then document the subsequent problem solving, without using any names. These write-ups are circulated to the people who took part to make sure they are happy with the wording, and their anonymity, before they go up on the website as Hand-outs. Conclusions may be updated at a later date, from contributions to the Message Board. They may also be used for papers, talks and articles.

People who come along to meetings or contribute to the message board can use initials, nick names or their real names during discussions. They can rest assured that their names will never be published unless previously agreed.

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Places to seek help (free)

  • Sexand Disability Helpline:
    Tel: 0707 499 3527.
  • Local sexual health clinics (list can be found on www.fpa.org.uk).
  • Well-woman clinics (ring your GP for local information).
  • Your local GP Surgery.
  • Sexual Health Direct:
    Tel: 0845 310 1334.

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More Information

For more information email the V-Group.

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